1 - Have the right state of mind to reconnect with your ex.
What happens immediately after a breakup is usually a reaction. It is a reaction that comes from instinct, need, desperation, or sometimes a power struggle.
But once the emotional tsunami has passed and a few days of no contact, things calm down.
What you do now is important because this is the time when everyone will show their true faces.
Your actions will help you find yourself and experience a new, even more beautiful love story. Or conversely, it may confirm that the breakup was the right decision and that the arguments were well-founded.
There's no way of knowing for sure what will happen in the future.
There are two types of people when it comes to love—people with the scarcity mentality and those with the abundance mentality.
State of mind of scarcity
If you have a scarcity way of thinking, you will always be afraid of losing what you have because you imagine there is not enough. For example, you believe that you will never find love again if you lose your ex. You feel the same about happiness, wealth, and even your health.
This is why people with a scarcity mentality always act out of fear: running out of something, out of fear of losing the person they love.
Fear is most devastating. Here is a non-exhaustive list of what it can cause:
destroy a relationship through emotional insecurity,
destroy a couple out of jealousy,
destroy a marriage with anger,
destroy a budding love through poor communication, even lying
Fear and love do not, therefore, go hand in hand!
The point is, fear kills relationships. This is certainly not what you need to reconcile with your ex and start a fulfilling relationship again.
This is why you have to adopt the abundance mentality.
Abundance state of mind
People who have an abundance mindset know that limitless love and happiness exist in this world. Therefore, they are not afraid to miss out on love because they know that they will find it whatever happens.
Fear not. These people aren't going to break everyone's hearts because they're always on the lookout for new people to love. On the contrary, they know what they are looking for. There is no infidelity or betrayal.
Not to be confused with those who have an artichoke heart, the famous Don Juan, who act out of fear.
So let's come back to our subject. People who have an abundance mindset are not afraid of losing their loved ones because they know they can always find love again. They are not worried about being sad or hurt because they are sure that they can find happiness again.
Of course, these people do not want to lose their wives or husbands. They don't want to go through heartache and the pain that goes with it. Nobody wants that.
But the main difference between people with an abundance mindset and a scarcity mindset is that they don't act out of fear.
Instead, they behave out of love, honesty, and understanding. When you eliminate fear, it becomes easier to rebuild trust and maintain a healthy relationship with the person of your choice.
So when you go back to your ex, don't let fear dictate your actions and behavior.
For example, suppose you reach out to your ex via a text message. You get a negative response, or you receive no response at all. At this point, you need to put together a choice and determine your next course of action. The choice you make will hinge on your state of mind.
Rarity mindset: You've texted, and your ex isn't responding. Your mind panics, and you start to try to figure out what this means.
You are afraid that your ex has definitely turned the page, and you are in terrible pain. You imagine all the disaster scenarios and start to think that you have lost your ex forever.
The mindset of abundance: You panic too. After all, the idea of losing your ex for eternity is scary.
But you decide not to let yourself be overcome by panic. You refuse to let fear conquer your life. Instead, you are determined to stick to your plan.
If your ex doesn't respond or give you a negative response, you give them more time to let them back. Then, you don't contact them for a few days before trying again. And you tell yourself that nothing is ever lost.
At worst, you can remain friends. Or it turned out to be the wrong person, and you will find someone who will be a perfect match for you later.
Then, suddenly, you are in good spirits from a sentimental point of view, and you will find the love you deserve.
You see how a different mindset leads to different reactions.
Having an abundance mindset doesn't mean that you will stop feeling all of those negative emotions in your brain. Instead, it means feeling those emotions but deciding not to let them control your actions, and therefore your life.
Having the right mindset will help you rebuild and every step of your ex's recovery. Often you will have to choose between:
React out of fear, panic.
Be honest, think, and communicate by showing love.
We recommend that you show love. If you want to maintain a strong relationship, you need to be honest and be in communication.
2 - Take the first step after the breakup
Obviously, if you stay in no contact, you will never get your ex back! Of course, this can be the way to make your ex feel like they miss you if they still love you. Maybe he (she) will even regret his decision. But after a while, if no one takes the first step, you'll never get back together.
Many people dread this moment and hesitate. Why?
Here are the main reasons:
fear of sounding like someone desperate;
refusal to give ascendancy to his ex;
fear of appearing to be harassing him;
fear of doing it wrong.
Do you recognize yourself in this painting? Then, reread the passage on fear. Because if you want to restore your relationship, you shouldn't let fear dictate your actions.
Contact your ex by SMS
Whatever the situation, Coronavirus or not, you can't just pop in on your ex like a flower and beg him to come back with you because you still love him. It would help if you did this with tact and finesse and gave your ex time to clarify his romantic feelings.
Of course, you will have the jitters. This is normal. But you're going to have to get started if you want to have a chance to win your ex back. If you don't, your ex will end up assuming that you forgot about him.
This whole process of wanting to reconnect is emotionally draining. And the more time you wait, the more stress you accumulate.
There are, however, two pitfalls to avoid:
not to pass for someone in need, in emotional dependence;
maintain control of the situation.
Don't appear desperate in front of your ex.
It is true that if you harass your ex with text messages after the breakup, it makes you look like someone desperate who does not respect himself. And this is a serious mistake.
But things are not the same after no contact. Especially after doing some work on you. If you have acquired the right frame of mind, you will be able to approach this situation calmly. And most importantly, you will not present yourself as a weak person and in need of love.
Consider two different situations:
"I want my ex to come back at all costs. I want to do everything to get him (her) back. I don't want to lose him (her) because I am nothing without him (her)."
If this is your state of mind right now and you are contacting your ex, then chances are they will feel your desperation. Even if you use the right messages to contact your ex, he will understand what is going on with you and ignore or even block you.
On the other hand, consider this attitude:
"I want to contact my ex because I really believe we can start a new relationship. I learned a lot and have become a better person. I hope my ex too. I want to try again and see if the new relationship will be different this time. If it works, I'll be happy to have reconnected. If not, I will know that I did my best and that there is nothing else I can do."
If you truly believe this, then nothing you send will be considered hopeless. Even if your ex thinks at first that you are missing, you will quickly prove to him that he is wrong.
You have now sent your text message, where you asked for an example, how your ex was doing in this pandemic time, and he (she) replied to you. This is a very good indication; it means that things can probably work out. So you regained hope after days of feeling helpless and unhappy.
But remember this: you are just trying to get back together. You are trying to see if things can work out now that you have become a better version of yourself.
As we saw above, your state of mind is the biggest success factor in getting your ex back.
What to say to your ex
This is a delicate point, and most people don't know what to say to get back in touch. This obviously also depends on the circumstances of the separation.
But in general, start with short texts that are not binding. Give time and space to your ex. Also, know how to listen to him. You will increase your chances of getting him (her) back.
Do not be especially in the reproach, the victimization, or the throwing on the other of all the responsibility for the rupture.
But by having done your job well on you, that should no longer be the case. And if you've followed it right, you're in a good frame of mind too.
To put it simply: be frank, open, and confident. Then leave your ex free to react as he sees fit if he responds positively, so much the better. Otherwise, let some time pass, and you will try again later.
3 - Renew the dialogue with your ex and rekindle the flame
To summarize, you have taken the first step towards your ex by sending him an SMS after the no contact.
He (she) responded positively. So you plan to continue to exchange by SMS to recreate a connection between you two and arouse a new attraction. If trust is reestablished, it shouldn't be too hard to be in each other's arms anytime soon.
Go slowly at the start, talk about innocuous subjects, good memories of a couple, your past bond, then cut. The next time, the conversation can be a little longer and more personal. But, again, do it slowly and steadily, so your ex gets used to talking to you again. If that helps you, visualize the resumption of contact as a succession of waves, bigger and bigger.
Little by little, you will feel your ex falling in love again, the connection will be more intense, and you will feel the desire... Always strive to move forward but do it slowly and subtly. Seduction is quite an art.
Then you will talk about your feelings, and your ex will be encouraged to do so. But, of course, now you will want to see each other again.
You will be on the verge of getting back together and being able to kiss your ex-partner again, who will be an ex-ex.