“Why Does My Ex Keep Contacting Me?” (What It Means)

Find out what you can do when your ex-partner is still contacting you.
Last Updated
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March 19, 2022
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It's not uncommon for people to contact their exes after the breakup. A 2010 survey of 2,000 adults showed that on average, people contacted an ex about once a month- and some more than once a day!

But why do they reach out? And how should you react when your ex keeps contacting you?

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Reasons for that last contact

Before we go into any of the ramifications of your ex reaching out to you, it's important to understand why they might want to talk. While some people have bad intentions from the beginning, others are just looking for closure.

In a survey done by Psychology Today, 70% of people who contacted an ex after the breakup did so because they wanted closure or validation about something in their relationship. Alternatively, many participants simply missed aspects of their partner and were hoping for a reconciliation.

Of course, not everyone wants a reconciliation- some people hope to foster feelings through more communication or try and hurt you further with what they say.

However, this is extremely rare and most often only happens if the person has a vindictive personality. If your ex is reaching out to you for any of the reasons listed, it's important to try and be understanding.

What to do when they reach out

what to do when they reach out why does my ex keep contacting me
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So you've determined that your ex wants closure or validation- what should you do? The first step is always communicating with them. Let them know that you're open to talking but also set boundaries.

You don't need to answer every message or agree to meet up, especially if you don't feel comfortable. Remember, this is their way of trying to get close to you again and they should respect your decision not to talk if you're not ready.

If your ex is reaching out because they miss you, it might be harder to refuse communication. However, it's important to remember your own feelings in this situation. If you're not ready to get back together, let them know that and be honest about your feelings. It might be tough, but it will save you both a lot of pain in the long run.

In any case, try to stay positive. Responding aggressively or with negativity will only push your ex away- even further than they've already gone. Keep in mind that this isn't easy for them either and even if things don't work out in the end, they still deserve respect.

This article will explore 12 possible reasons for this behavior and give readers an idea of what they should do if their ex is constantly asking them to talk or meet up.

1. He's still in love with you

he is still in love with you why does my ex keep contacting me what it means
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Some people think that they're still in love with you. Your ex wants to be friends with you and each time they contact you, they're just hoping that eventually, you'll reconsider. They're hoping that you'll take them back or that you'll want to get into a relationship with them.

Don't assume that your ex is in love with you without talking to them about it first. While some people may act like they still love you, others may feel differently when they talk to you in person.

It's important not to make assumptions because the last thing you want to do is misjudge your ex and come off looking awkward when they respond negatively when confronted about their feelings for you.

You should ask why your ex keeps contacting you directly instead of assuming what their intentions are. If they give any indication that they still have feelings for you, then it might be time to end all communication between the two of you (unless you're still interested in getting back together).

However, if your ex just misses having you in their life and wants to be friends, then it might be a good idea to stay friends with them. Just make sure that you set some boundaries so that things don't get too complicated or emotionally charged.

You don't want to start getting hurt again because your ex can't keep their feelings under control. If this is the case, then it might be better to just move on and find someone else who wants to be in a relationship with you.

No matter what the reason is behind your ex's behavior, it's important to react in a way that is respectful. Trying to get revenge or acting cold towards them will only make things worse.

If you want to maintain a healthy relationship with your ex, then it's best to talk to them about what's going on and why they're still contacting you. This way, you'll be able to get some closure and move on with your life.

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2. They miss you and want to see what's going on with you

they miss you and want to see what's going on with you why does my ex keep contacting me what it means

When your ex keeps contacting you after the breakup, it can be difficult to deal with. This is especially true if you don't know why they're doing it. One possible explanation for this behavior is that they miss you and want to see what's going on with you.

If this is the case, then it might be a good idea to talk to them and see if you can work things out. However, if you don't think that this is the right thing to do, then you can always try ignoring their calls and texts.

Another possibility is that your ex is trying to get back together with you. If this is the case, then you need to be very careful about what you say and do. You don't want to give them the wrong idea and end up getting hurt again.

If you're not interested in getting back together with them, then it's best to let them know as soon as possible. This way, they won't be able to keep contacting you in the hopes of changing your mind.

No matter what the reason is for your ex's contact, it's important to remember that you don't have to deal with it on your own. If you're feeling overwhelmed or confused, then reach for help from a friend or family member.

You also have the option of talking to a counselor. They will be able to help you figure out what's best for you and whether or not you should reach out to your ex in response to their contact.

3. Their life is a mess and they need a listening ear

sad man talks on phone in a solitary street why does my ex keep contacting me what it means
© Adobe Stock

A common reason for someone who's just broken up with their partner to keep contact is that they need a listening ear. The person may be feeling lonely and unhappy because of the break-up and needs to vent.

Others may want to rekindle the flame as they still have feelings. Whatever the reason for this behavior, it's best not to let yourself get pulled back into a relationship if you don't want one or put up with unreciprocated conversations.

4. They think that if they give up, you'll realize how much you miss them too

Many people believe that if they give up and stop trying to contact their ex, the other person will realize how much they're missed and want to get back together.

This isn't usually the case, however, because it's often very clear to the other person that the relationship is over. If your ex keeps contacting you after breaking up, it's likely that they're hoping for a reunion, and you should proceed with caution.

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5. They hope that if they keep trying, one day you'll be back together again

This can be a difficult thing to deal with, especially if you're not interested in getting back together. If this is the case, it's important to be clear and honest with your ex about your feelings.

This will help them understand that you're not interested in getting back together and will hopefully prevent them from contacting you anymore.

6. You were the only person who always understood them without judging them

you were the only person who always understood them without judging them why does my ex keep contacting me about what it means
© Envato Elements

You were the only person who always understood them without judging them. They never felt like they had to explain themselves to you because you always just got it. They valued your friendship more than anything and will always miss your support.

7. It sounds silly, but it feels better to hear from your ex than from nobody at all

it sounds silly, but it feels better to hear from your ex than from nobody at all why does my ex keep contacting me about what it means
© Twenty20

When somebody breaks up with you, it can feel like a really big blow to your ego. It can be tough to accept that somebody doesn't want to be with you anymore, and it's natural to want to reach out to your ex in an attempt to understand why things ended.

However, this is usually a futile effort and will only serve to prolong the pain of the breakup. If your ex continues to contact you after the breakup or keeps coming by, then they're probably doing it because of one of these reasons.

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8. Seeing your name on their phone keeps the good memories alive for just a little bit longer before having to feel pain again

seeing your name on their phone keeps the good memories alive for just a little bit longer before having to feel pain again why does my ex keep contacting me about what it means

It can be tough when you're constantly reminded of what once was and could have been, but it's important to remember that those good times are in the past. If your ex is contacting you, it's probably because they're still trying to hold onto those memories and want to keep you close.

However, this isn't healthy for either of you, so it's best to end communication altogether. This can be hard to do, but it's important to remember that this is for the best. You deserve to be happy and have a chance to move on. It's time to let go of the past and focus on the future. good luck!

If you're finding yourself in this situation, it can be tough to know what to do. However, there are a few things you can do to make it easier:

  • Remember that your ex is still trying to hold onto the past and isn't thinking about your happiness.
  • End communication altogether. This will be tough, but it's the best thing for both of you.
  • Focus on the future and what makes you happy. Remember that you deserve to be happy.
  • Talk to someone who can help you get through this tough time. They can offer support and guidance.

9. They're lonely and just want someone to talk to

they are lonely and just want someone to talk to why does my ex keep contacting me about what it means
© Adobe Stock

It's possible that they're just lonely and want someone to talk to. Even if you're the person that they end up talking to for hours or days at a time, it can be fulfilling and satisfying for them. It may not be what you want at the time, but this will end up helping you in the long run.

Maybe your ex thinks that you're still together and they're calling to check in every day. Maybe they miss your companionship and think that if they keep calling you'll eventually give in and talk to them again.

This is probably an irrational belief on their part, but it might make sense from their perspective if they don't know what else to do about feeling lonely all of the time.

10. Your ex wants to get back together with you

your ex wants to get back together with you why does my ex keep contacting me about what it means
© Envato Elements

If your ex is constantly contacting you, the first possibility is that they want to get back together with you. This can be a difficult thing to deal with, especially if you're not interested in getting back together.

If this is the case, it's important to be honest with your ex and tell them that you're not interested in getting back together. This may be hard for them to hear, but it's important that they understand that the relationship is over.

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11. Your ex is stuck in the past

your ex is stuck in the past why does my ex keep contacting me about what it means
© Adobe Stock

If your ex keeps contacting you, it could also mean that they're stuck in the past and haven't moved on from the relationship yet. This can be frustrating for both parties involved because it means that the breakup is still a sore spot for them.

If this is the case, it's important to be supportive and understanding. Let your ex know that you're available to talk if they need to, but don't push them to talk about the relationship if they're not ready.

12. Your ex needs help for mental health issues

your ex needs help for mental health issues why does my ex keep contacting me about what it means
© Adobe Stock

The third possibility is that your ex needs help for mental health issues and is reaching out to you for support. This can be a difficult thing to deal with because it means that your ex is in a lot of pain and needs help. If this is the case, it's important to encourage ex to seek professional help and offer any support that you can.

Conclusion

If your ex contacts you constantly and it's starting to be a problem in your life, remember that there are many reasons why they would want to talk to you after the breakup.

It may be frustrating for both parties involved, but if you're aware of what those reasons could be it will make communicating with them much easier.

If this behavior continues after you've tried having a conversation with your ex or offering support, consider whether or not their behavior is controlling or abusive and find ways to get help if necessary.

Remember- the best way to deal with any kind of relationship issue, including this one, is open communication!

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